Adoption Can be a Tough Road
Just got done reading another adoptive blog, and I'm reminded of a couple different stories. We have good friends at Church who adopted an older child while they lived in Colorado. He is now 17, and I really like the kid. He is gifted in certain areas, is kind, and nice, but he is a terrible student, and like a lot of teens, has issues with listening to his parents, being rebellious, and he struggles with personal demons. But I look at his parents, who have two very young biological children, with great admiration, because they are so upbeat. They are also tired of these antics, tired of the problems, etc.
I have another friend who adopted a young boy from Russia 5 years ago. He said 5 years after the adoption, the kid still lies, blatantly, even though he has been reminded over and over about this behavior. He still laughs when others are hurt, forgetting that people getting hurt is not funny. No doubt these are institutional behaviors.
We read two really good books, and have also learned from the experiences of others. We really have an expectation from Anya and Samuel behaviorally, but no expectations at all emotionally or academically. Our 5 biological children will likely all have college degrees, but I'll be happy if these two finish high school and can hold down a job.
Nellie and I are going through various versions of fatigue in parenting. I've been having a great couple of weeks with both Anya and Samuel, while Nellie has been really run down. They can be tough. I've gotten to the point where I really enjoy asking Anya or Samuel to join me on errands. Anya helped me pick out some work shirts and pants tonight. But I believe in God's wisdom and planning. Tough times may continue. I've helped Nellie raise 4 children now through the teen years, and I haven't yet had one that didn't give me some grey hairs. I expect the same with Anya and Samuel.
What we hope to avoid is medication. We have set an appointment with the U of M adoption center, and with a Christian counselor for the children. We believe a Christian Counselor is crucial to success, so we asked for referrals from a Christian counselor friend of ours, and he referred us to a practice that specializes in adoption counseling and attachment disorders. He knows the counselor we are going to work with personally. We believe behavioral is where the battle is. Academics? Life accomplishments? We'll let Samuel and Anya measure up to an unknown standard.
Anya has been asking why she needs to see a counselor. I tell her, not only her, but we need to see one as well. We need the counselor to help us parent better, and help her with her hurts. They are there, in abundance. We see some of those same hurts in Samuel. So we are going as a partnership. Yes, we have control, but these kids continually put their trust in us. We owe them nothing less than the best we can do for them.
Having said all this, these two children are a gift from God. I really tell Anya that God has known all along his plan for them to be in our family. It was meant to be. I understand if that, theologically, is tough to reconcile. But they where they are supposed to be. God does not make mistakes.
Please remind me of these words if I have a really bad day with them. :)
I have another friend who adopted a young boy from Russia 5 years ago. He said 5 years after the adoption, the kid still lies, blatantly, even though he has been reminded over and over about this behavior. He still laughs when others are hurt, forgetting that people getting hurt is not funny. No doubt these are institutional behaviors.
We read two really good books, and have also learned from the experiences of others. We really have an expectation from Anya and Samuel behaviorally, but no expectations at all emotionally or academically. Our 5 biological children will likely all have college degrees, but I'll be happy if these two finish high school and can hold down a job.
Nellie and I are going through various versions of fatigue in parenting. I've been having a great couple of weeks with both Anya and Samuel, while Nellie has been really run down. They can be tough. I've gotten to the point where I really enjoy asking Anya or Samuel to join me on errands. Anya helped me pick out some work shirts and pants tonight. But I believe in God's wisdom and planning. Tough times may continue. I've helped Nellie raise 4 children now through the teen years, and I haven't yet had one that didn't give me some grey hairs. I expect the same with Anya and Samuel.
What we hope to avoid is medication. We have set an appointment with the U of M adoption center, and with a Christian counselor for the children. We believe a Christian Counselor is crucial to success, so we asked for referrals from a Christian counselor friend of ours, and he referred us to a practice that specializes in adoption counseling and attachment disorders. He knows the counselor we are going to work with personally. We believe behavioral is where the battle is. Academics? Life accomplishments? We'll let Samuel and Anya measure up to an unknown standard.
Anya has been asking why she needs to see a counselor. I tell her, not only her, but we need to see one as well. We need the counselor to help us parent better, and help her with her hurts. They are there, in abundance. We see some of those same hurts in Samuel. So we are going as a partnership. Yes, we have control, but these kids continually put their trust in us. We owe them nothing less than the best we can do for them.
Having said all this, these two children are a gift from God. I really tell Anya that God has known all along his plan for them to be in our family. It was meant to be. I understand if that, theologically, is tough to reconcile. But they where they are supposed to be. God does not make mistakes.
Please remind me of these words if I have a really bad day with them. :)
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